as a kid i never really knew what or where people go after they die. we never really had funeral services abroad (dubai) nor had i actually attended one ever. as far as i know when people die and they are foreigners they would be sent back to their home land. so i never really saw what funerals looked like....until i cane to manila.
i remember my first time ever to see a dead person inside a coffin was at karen's (Filipino friend) mom's funeral. i think i was in 1st year college(2003?) back then and i had no idea what to do, what to bring or what to wear.
my gay friend and i traveled all the way from manila going to cavite because that was where the funeral was, at karen's mom's house. i was actually no so sure what i was doing but i did want to pay my respects since karen was a close friend of mine and actually still is. when we arrived i saw their gate open with a tent and a lot of people playing cards. i guess that's how it's done in this country? we then went inside the house where the coffin was i saw lots of flowers, pictures and then we went over to the coffin. i couldn't explain how i felt it was so sad. i then realized how important funeral's are because it is the only time you get to see your loved ones one last time.
Come 2011 we had our own funeral in the family. my uncle (kuya benny) was stabbed while helping a friend get out of an argument but sadly he was the one who died. i couldn't explain how i felt when i got the news because i was close to my father's side. i cried a lots and lots of tears knowing he was an innocent life taken by an angry man and the angry man is now hiding. yes he still is not captured by the police. my kuya benny was one good uncle, he was the one who first taught me how to drive and my first vehicle was his jeepney. i said to myself one day i shall come to laguna (where they live) in a car and make him proud because he taught me how to drive, but sadly that day would never happen. and i know once i do get a chance to drive in my own car i will end up crying because i will always remember him. i would miss his valentine greetings cause he's still single and would always share how his date would go on valentines. and most of all i would miss my birthday greetings from him.
i came to my grand mom's house where the funeral was held and saw her sitting at her rocking chair facing the coffin. i gave her a hug and she said to me "my son didn't do anything wrong, why did he have to die" then she started crying which was also bad for her health cause she has a weak heart so i told her to not feel sad. i know it's hard for a mother to loose a son before her and seeing how sad my lola (grand ma) was i know she was trying to be strong.
as i looked in the coffin crying, i saw my kuya benny life less with a painful face expression, as the elders said it was a sign that he died a painful death. i never really felt the pain and sadness of it all until it was the last day of the funeral and we were taking him to the church for the blessing of the dead. i then realized that would be my one and only moment i could ever see him. i would stare at him a lot because i didn't want to forget his face. my parents didn't come to the funeral because they were abroad and so i felt that was also the reason for my tears i cried for the whole family. this was my first ever funeral in the family and now i know how sad it was to actually loose someone you care about. i would agree to what people say the pain won't go away that easily. he died December 24, 2011.
3 months passed after my kuya benny's death. something unexpected happened. my lola woke up one day in march 2012 and couldn't move one side of her body, she couldn't get up, sit and couldn't eat. my other uncle (kuya noli) then called me and asked me what to do. immediately i knew it was a stroke since it was a one side paralysis. this was i think her second stroke. they tried to get a doctor to have her checked but couldn't find one who could come to the house. i have no idea why doctors in the provinces don't do house calls. the next day they transferred her to veterance hospital in quezon city via ambulance since she is a veteran's dependent and we would get free services there. it was then confirmed she had a stroke. we could speak to her and she could still move the one side of her body when told to. she was then take to the ICU, scanned a number of times and the doctors say the hemorrhage in her head was way too big already and they would give her 7 days to recover. they did daily tests on her and she responded very well every day except on the last day 7th day she started degenerating she was unresponsive and the doctors made a decision that she failed the test because on the 7th day she failed to respond which means she will only have a few more days to live.
she was then transferred to a ward since the ICU is only for people with life support and we decided to not have her on life support because it was not a guarantee that she would live. we didn't want her to die the hard way with all of those tubes in her body.
I was watching over her one night and when she went on deep breaths i knew the time was getting closer. she couldn't open her eyes but that night i was sleeping on a chair beside her holding her hand i saw her open he eyes a little bit and i know she could feel me holding her hands. in that very moment i felt her say thank you. i've been taking care of her since she got her first stroke because i'm the eldest grand daughter and i'm the only nurse in the family.
the next day i asked my only uncle left to come and visit her one last time and say goodbye, i asked my brother to come and say goodbye because i know she needs the support/closure. i also told my dad to talk to her one last time so he called from abroad. knowing that she had all her family beside her that day i know she was happy. we all got to talk to her, hug her, kiss her, hold her hand.
we all went home after that day, me because i was exhausted from watching overnight and her caregiver was there to cover for me. the following morning we all received a text from the caregiver, lola was gone. a month before turning 90 she was 89 years old. time of death 6:45 am march 21, 2012.
I know she died in peace because we were all there that night, maybe that was all she was waiting for..our goodbyes. i couldn't believe this was happening one funeral after another and in the same family. until someone told me maybe we were cursed, she said i needed to put a pair of scissors in lola's hands to the curse would be cut. we asked the funeral home to put scissors in her hands before she was buried.
After a year and two months yes you guessed it...someone again passed away. this time it was on my mom's side. my parents came to manila in January 2013 so i kinda had a feeling my grand pa was just waiting for them to spend time with them. they didn't visit manila for 5 years.
lolo (grand pa) was a strong man he would go jogging in the morning, he would plant flowers and vegetables. he was diagnosed with prostate stage 1 last 2011 but he's doing well with his medications ever since. that's why it all came as a shock on may 13, it was election day. he went for a jog, he voted and he wore his new shoes. but later that day he felt weak and pain at his chest so my mom and uncle took him to the hospital in laguna and was diagnosed to have had a stroke. his blood pressure was extremely low and his sugar was high, i think they even said he is diabetic. the hospital they brought him to was not well equipped and so again we needed to transfer him to a better facility in quezon city, this time they took him to the heart center since that was the orders of the doctor. my uncle was with him the whole time and my mom and dad came to manila via bus. when they arrived lolo was take in for tests asap but sadly died after 2 hours. my mom was heart broken, they just got to spent so little time together and now he's gone. i told her to go to the hospital so she could touch him one lat time. they all went back to laguna together and my mom dressed up lolo in the funeral home. i know it was the saddest moment in her life to loose a dad. i will miss him a lot specially when i go visit davao again, ill remember him. we went to davao together in 2011, and he was the happiest when he was there. i was also sad because he will never see me marry or have children. i was always hoping my grandparents would be around to see my kids. he died may 13, 2013.
I am not so sure what's gonna happen or who will die next year but i am still praying that no one will. because our family is really small and i don't think i can handle any more deaths. it's just too painful for me and the family.
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